It’s been almost two weeks since we lost our twins. I hope I won’t always look at the calendar and count the days since we lost them. Some days are better than others and our other children are helping us remember our joy. We’ve felt the love, tears, and prayers of friends and family around the country and we thank you.
We’ll likely never be certain how we lost our babies. Our high risk OB initially suspected that we had lost them to Twin to Twin Transfusion. Our case was unusual since they were thriving and there was no sign of the disease a little more than a week earlier at a cardio scan. Based on their ultrasound measurements, we had only lost them days before.
Upon delivery and inspection of the cords + placenta, our doctor thought it was more likely a cord accident. Charlie’s cord was somehow compromised (knotted) and was gone first. Without his brother to pump blood through their shared placenta, Noah would have taken on too much amniotic fluid and blood, and we lost him too.
I’ve written their birth story but it feels a bit early to share with the whole wide world just yet. At the same time, I want to shout their names and tell every one that our babies were here. We held them, love them, and they look just like their brother and sisters. Charlie already had lots of blonde hair and Noah’s was just coming in. They have toes like their daddy and tiny little ears and button noses to match their siblings.
I feel so grateful to have even been given the chance to know these boys. We had 25 wonderful weeks with them and imagining our family growing by two. Even in our darkest hours we can see what a gift we were given. Our hearts are still so heavy right now but love endures and we will surely see them again.
Thank you to all of our friends and family. We have felt so lifted up by your words, generosity, and prayers. Thank you will never be enough.